Chapter 6 Gaining Self Awareness A bird that sings does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. Chinese Proverb Recognizing when you are off course • • • • • • First, you accept personal responsibility. Then, you chose personal motivations, goals, and dreams that offer you purpose and direction. Next, you create a self management plan and began taking effective actions. You develop supportive relationships. All along, you have believe in yourself. How are you still off course? Ask yourself the following questions 1. What habits do I have that sabotage my success? 2. What beliefs do I have that get me off course? 3. How can I consistently make wise choices that will create a rich, personally fulfilling life? What is self sabotage? • When we make choices that go against our goals and dreams. • By the time we realize that this has happened, it may be to late to get back on course. Unconscious Forces • • • • • • • • • Daily influences from past experiences that influence your daily choices. You do not even realize that it is going on. Our brains record just about every experience that we have ever had. Our brains can re-experience events in vivid detail that we thought we had long forgotten. Amygala stores emotionally charged events in our unconscious memory. The amygala makes connections and compares present situations and past circumstances. When a connection is made from the past, without our conscious knowledge, the alarmed amygala hijacks our rational thought process and demands that we react the same way the we did the last time. Our response can be totally inappropriate to what is happening currently. By the time the amygala loosens it grips, we have made a bad choice. Since this is unconscious, how do we spot those sabotaging influences? We have to identify the invisible forces that get us off course. It is difficult since these invisible forces are at work in our unconscious minds. This self awareness allows us to identify the self sabotaging choices and replace them with wiser choices that will get you back on course or keep you there. Scripts Eric Berne-psychologist • Words, actions, and emotions • We must become aware of our scripts so that at the fork in the road we can make decisions that keep us on course and not off. Types of scripts 1. 2. Thought patterns-habitual self talk either positive or negative Emotional patterns-habitual feelings such as anger, excitement, anxiety, joy, sadness. 3. Behavior patterns-habitual patterns such as smoking, arriving on time, exercising. When you know someone well enough to predict what they will say or how they will react you recognize/understand their thought patterns. 4. Core beliefs-at a young age we form our core beliefs about the world, other people, and ourselves. These core beliefs dictate our unconscious judgments about how we think, feel and act. These beliefs dictate the choices we make at the fork in the road. Scripts Emotional Core Beliefs Thought Patterns Behavior Patterns How/Why did we write our scripts the way we did? 1. The way other people respond(ed) to us. • The world is kind and I am lovable • The world is not kind and I am not lovable • The world is dangerous • Just think how these get your off course so easily. How/Why did we write our scripts the way we did? 2.What significant adults had to say to us. Our attributions- kind, quiet, mean, rebellious, dominant, invisible. Injunctions tell us what we “are not” or “should not be.” Includes primarily don’t How/Why did we write our scripts the way we did? 3. Observing the behavior of significant adults We learn our personal and cultural scripts. Watch a child playing and what do you notice? They are behaving as the adults around them. The lens that we see the world through is based on our culture. When under stress we refer to our scripts for guidance. The scripts we developed in childhood are not appropriate for the adult world and challenges. The million dollar questions is: Do my habitual habits help or hinder me in the pursuit of the life I want to create? Self defeating habits • P. 156 & 157 • Pay attention to outdated habits that may get you off course. • Most of these patterns are mental, emotional, or behavioral. • Must believe in self in order to change the cycle of habits that might potentially or always get you off course. Rewrite the outdated script • Get rid of limits and see the stars/heavens as the only limit of you achieving your dreams. • Identifying the self-defeating patterns you can rewrite your script to stay on course. • Most of us sabotage ourselves through our emotions, behaviors, and thoughts. • When our script is rewritten we then can change the outcomes of our lives for the better. • What are our core beliefs about ourselves? Self-Awareness at Work • Conscious career planning, established through prioritizing time to research career options. • Hard skills are the skills that get you the job and soft skills are the reason you may lose the job. Soft skills are what this book is about. How you cope with your problems. These soft skills are the ones that are invisible to most of our coworkers. Be sure to match your soft skills with the requirements for the job. • Personal preference can be identified in the career counseling center by taking a test or two such as Strong Interest Inventories, Self-Directed Search, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Holland Code. Holland Code Dr. John Holland • One of six personality types and possible careers for each. • Shows that people tend to be satisfied in careers that are compatible with their personality type, and are less satisfied when the match isn’t there. 1. Realistic- involve objects, tools, and machines. Career- mechanic, electrician, comp. repair, civil engineer, forester, teacher, dental tech., farmer, carpenter. 2. Investigative- abstract problem solving and exploring physical, biological, and cultural phenomena to understand and control them. Careers- chemist, economist, detective, comp. analyst, doctor, astronomer, mathematician. • 3. Artistic- prefer activities involving selfexpression, using words, ideas, or materials, to create art forms or new concepts. • Careers- writer, advertising manager, public relations specialist, artist, musician, graphic designer, interior decorator, inventor. • 4. Social- prefer activities involving interaction with other people to inform, train, develop, help, or enlighten them. • Careers- nurse, massage therapist, teacher, counselor, social workers, day-care provider, physical therapist. • 5. Enterprising- prefer activities involving the persuasion and management of other to attain organizational goals or economic gain. • Career- sales, television newscaster, bank manager, lawyer, travel agent, personal manager, entrepreneur. • 6. Conventional- prefer activities involving the persuasion and management of others to attain organizational goals or economic gain. • Careers-accountant, comp. operator, secretary, credit manager, financial planner. Additional info. Regarding scripts • Scripts regarding self knowledge can either support your success or not. • Understanding your personality and interests improves your chances of finding a satisfying career match. • Know your beliefs- what you value and what you do not Believing in yourself Write your own rules • Three rules of success 1.Show up2.Do my best work 3.Participate actively You intend to do your very best everyday to be the best you can be for yourself and others. Additional rules • Keep promises to myself and others. • Seek feedback and make course corrections when appropriate. • Arrive on time. • Do my very best work on all projects important to me. • I care for my body with exercise, healthy food, and good medical care. • If you follow them regularly, they will become second nature and a part of you.