Winners vs Losers To understand that individuals can control their attitudes and actions by choosing their self-talk (thoughts) Objective: To identify how negative thoughts lead to the loser’s position. To identify how positive thought lead to the winner’s position. To differentiate between winners’ and losers choices. Event + Response = What you get 1. 2. 3. 4. What you get, what happens to you is a result of actions you take. Your actions are a result of your feelings or attitudes. Your feelings or attitudes are a result of your vocabulary, the words you use orally land silently (self-talk). What vocabulary you use is a choice you make Winners vs Losers “Saying that winners choose positive thoughts and self-talk, does not let us know HOW they do that, because we all know that it is not always an easy choice to make. Winners do 3 things: First, they recognize that every situation has a positive and negative aspect. Second, they recognize that there are always more positive aspects than negative. Third, they pick out the positives and concentrate self-talk on these. Winners vs Losers Knowing those three steps, how do you think losers end up in a negative position?” “We are going to examine a few actual situations to see how people go through the steps of choosing the thoughts they will have. These will illustrate how, based on what they think, people end up either losers or winners. We will look twice at each situation; as a loser and then as a winner.” Event + Your Response = What you get (example A) L O S E R You and a friend plan to go to the movie on Fri. Fri afternoon the friend calls and says they aren’t going. Negative thoughts -nothing ever turns out right for me. -he must not like me very much. -he probably found someone else he wanted to be with to do something. -if I can’t go to the movie tonight I don’t want to do anything. Feelings -bummed out -negative about self -bothered, irritated Actions -sit around the house and complain -not find something else fun to do -have a bad time -are in a bad mood -have a boring eve -turned control of your life over to someone else Event + Your Resonse = What you get (example A) W I N N E R Positive Thoughts -sometimes plans change -there are lots of other things I can do this eve -there are other people I can be with to do fun stuff Results: -have a good time -are in a good mood -have a nice eve -took control of your life Feelings -accepting -positive about self -content -eager about finding a new activity Actions -find something else to do -find someone else to do something -enjoy your own company Event + Your Resonse = What you get (example B) L O S E R Negative Thoughts Your divorced - I want my real mom -angry Parent gets & dad to be together remarried - this will never work out You now live in - I’ll be left out a new family - I am not going w/ a stepparent to like this new & stepbrothers family &stepsisters Feelings -frustrated -hurt -resentful -left out -neglected -unhappy Actions -withdraw from new family -not cooperative w/ new family -not friendly toward new family members -get in a lot of trouble at home -live in a family with a lot of strife and stress -are preoccupied w/ negative thoughts about your family situation & that drains your energy -don’t feel good about yourself & that keeps you from getting on with your life Event + Your Resonse = What you get (example B) W I N N E R Positive Thoughts -I understand my real parents made a choice not to live together anymore -I wonder how we can all work together -I don’t know this new family very well Feelings -acceptance -calm -open-minded -content -cheerful -positive Results: - are not always in trouble - have an easier life at home - live in a family that gets along better & there is less fighting - have positive thoughts about your family situation so you have more energy & can focus that energy in ways that will help you - feel good about yourself & that allows you to get on with your life Actions -participate in new family -cooperative with new family -friendly toward new family members Group Activity Get into groups of two and complete the situation sheet. Fill out front and back. Then share with group.