Connected Chapter 3

Chapter 3
Love the One You’re With
The Evolution of Love
Helen Fisher broke down love into three categories for
evolutionary purposes
• Lust: drives reproduction
• Love: affection and resources shared with 1 partner
• Attachment: parental care for young
Photo by Valeria C Preisler
Photo by Crawford Wilson III
Photo by Dianna Mullet
Finding Mr. Right
Most future partners are 2-3 degrees removed from one another
The National Survey of Health and
Social Life or “Chicago Sex
Survey” reveals:
• 68% of people were introduced to
their spouse by a common
• 32% met via “self-introduction”
• 53% of one-night-stands were
introduced by someone else
Photo by Wonderlane
Finding Mr. Right
If there are one million compatible people for you in the world
that’s 1 in 6,000 people who could be your potential “Mr.
Right”…..Sound daunting?
The dispiritingly unromantic conclusion is that you will never
find your one true soul mate…
That’s were social networks come in
Photo by Dieter Drescher
Help I Need Somebody!
If you are single and know 20 people, and each of those 20
know 20 others, and each of those 20 know 20 more, then……
20 x 20 x 20 = 8,000 social contacts (for a total of 8,420 within 3
degrees). One of those is probably your future spouse.
Finding Mr. Right
Friends and family are efficient matchmakers because they can
judge the compatibility of the two parties
Photo by Mike Ortiz
Perfect for One Another
Homogamy: tendency of like to marry like
• 72% of marriages exhibit homogamy
Once married, spouses become even more similar due to
Photo by Alfred Liu
Photo by Johey24, Flikr
Photo by Tripu, Flikr
Photo by Bradley P Johnson
Big Fish, Little Pond
People often care more about their relative standing in the
world than their absolute standing
Why? People are envious…
Photo by Keven Law
Photo by TomSaint11
Big Fish, Little Pond
In an experiment testing the relative standing phenomenon in
the workplace:
• The majority of people involved said they would rather earn a
$33,000 salary with everyone else getting $30,000 than earn
$35,000 and have fellow colleagues earn $38,000
Photo by Seer Snively
Big Fish, Little Pond
In a similar experiment dealing with attractiveness, participants
were asked which state was more desirable:
A: Your physical attractiveness is 6; others average 4.
B: Your physical attractiveness is 8; others average 10.
• 75% of people preferred A
• 93% of Harvard Grads preferred A
Photos by Steve Garfield, Cyril Attias & Fiona Bird, Flikr
Relative Standing is key to Sex Appeal
Everyone Else is Doing It
Social Networks affect our relationships by:
• Influencing perceptions and opinions
• Dictating our position in the network and relative standing
Example: “Indirect Mate Choice”: the tendency to choose a
partner based on what others value
Photo by Pedro Simoes
Marry Me?
Marriage produces health benefits….
Counter arguments:
• unhealthy people are less likely to get married and healthier
are more likely (also homogamy – the fit marry the fit)
• “joint unfavorable environment”: both wife and husband were
exposed to something that made them more likely to die
Photos by Allard, Flikr and Mike Baird
So? Which comes first, better health or marriage?
Grooms Gain More
Being married adds 7 years to a man’s life and 2 to a woman’s
• Emotional support which has
biological and psychological
benefits (lower heart rate,
improved immune function, etc.)
• Economies of Scale (combined
income=more money)
Photo by Ed Yourdon
Grooms Gain More
When men get married there is a sharp and dramatic decline in
their risk of death (women do not experience as much of an
immediate benefit)
Grooms Gain More
Changes in Men:
• Elimination of “stupid bachelor tricks”
• Receive support and connection to
broader social networks via their wives
Photo by Kevin Lim
Photo by Fabio Lone
Photo by David Clow
Dying of a Broken Heart
The Widowhood Effect:
• After a wife dies, a husband has a 30%-100% higher mortality
rate in the first year of widowhood
• Risk of heart attack rises after death of spouse
Photo by Avoir Chaud
Black couples or men married to black women do not
experience the widowhood effect!

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