What is love? - Jody Capehart

Report
Loving More through
Love Languages
by Jody Capehart
First Friday
October 5, 2012
www. jodycapehart.com
Head of School at Grace
Academy of North Texas
What is “Love”?
Love is a many
splendored thing
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Love is the most used word
Love is the most abused word
Love is the most desired word
Love is the most confused word,
So, “What is love?”
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I believe there are layers to how each of us
process and learn which reveals how we are
uniquely created by God!
Process
Information
Learning Styles
Preferences Brain
Research
Personalities
DISC
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Personalities: DISC Model
Personality Inslghts
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Dynamic Donna
Conscientious Connie,
Perfectionist Patty
Fun Loving Feebie
Personalities!
Steady Sandy
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We learn differently…
• Are you a Visual Vi?
• Are you an Auditory Audrey?
• Are you a Tactual Tina?
• Are you a Kinesthetic Karen?
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How do you process information?
Are you a Concrete
Sequential Connie?
Do you need things to be
organized
sequential
predictable
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Are you a…
Global Gladys?
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Analytic Al?
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I pondered….
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Because, you see, I have assessments
such as…
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My Story
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“Just 5 easy questions,
dear!”
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Question:
“What fills up your love
tank?”
• Words of affirmation?
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Quality time?
Giving and receiving gifts?
Acts of service?
Physical touch?
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Fill ‘er up please!
Keeping the love tank full!
Just 5 easy questions. How hard can this be? I
had a captive audience…..
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20 15
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20 25
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Turning point in
MY life!
Was blind, but now I see!
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These are the 5 Love
Languages:
• Words of affirmation
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Quality time
Giving and receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
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Love Language # 1
“Talking”
Words of Affirmation
• “The tongue has the power
of life and death.” (Proverbs
18:21)
• Words are powerful
communicators of love.
• The word encourage means
to inspire courage.
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Encouraging Words
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For your mate
For your child
For your parents
For your friends
For your co-workers
For your boss
For those you don’t like so
much….
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Words of Affirmation are:
Words that convey empathy
Words of kindness
Words of encouragement
Words of forgiveness
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Lookin’ for the Signs:
• They encourage others easily,
naturally, and sincerely.
• Their ‘inner flower’ wilts when
they are around negative
people.
• Their ‘inner flower’ blooms and
they lit up when they are
encouraged.
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and, of an empty love tank
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Story of the Babbling
Brook and The Dead Sea
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Kids “Talking” Today
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# 2: Quality Time
My Report card:
F
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What they need:
Love is spelled T-I-M-E!
• Focused attention
• Being together
• Quality conversation
• Eye-contact
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Multi-tasking
Cell phone interruptions
Watching TV
Texting
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The irony….
I was giving “Gifts of Time”
to my children without even
realizing it…
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I needed to fill up my husband’s “TIME”
Love Tank:
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#3: Giving and Receiving Gifts
• Giving gifts
• Receiving gifts
• Gifts are visual symbols of
love
• Gifts that showed you
were thinking of the other
person
• Not the value but the
thought and time taken
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What are some signs?
They give meaningful gifts
They delight in the tiniest of
“gifts” if they believe they
reflect you were thinking of
them.
As children, they make you
presents.
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What drains the Token Tank?
 Gifts without meaning
 Presents without their
presence
 Disagreements about $
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A true story about a big anniversary:
Both loved each other
She wanted…
He gave…
He wanted…
She gave…
Both came home with empty love tanks
even though they really loved
each other.
Sad tale but ever so true.
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# 4: Acts of Service
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Up and beyond the norm
Doing the unexpected
Serving without being asked
“Requests give direction to
love, but demands stop the
flow of love.”
(Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman page 92)
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To whom do we serve?
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Mates
Children
Friends
Neighbors
Co-workers
Those in need
Those who can never
do anything back for us.
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Signs of the Love Language of
“Acts of Service”
• They love helping others
• They “light up” when you do something for
them
• They “shut down” when acts of service are
not present
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#5 is: Physical Touch
Physical touch can make or break a relationship.
It can communicate love…
or hate.
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Signs of the Love Language of
Touch:
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In a child
In a teen
In an adult
In a marriage
In older people
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Testimony Time
He said, “In our dating, I had
always taken the initiative
on kissing and hugging. She
was always responsive.
After we got married, she
never wanted anything
physical. I took it personally.
I felt rejected, unwanted,
and unloved. I withdrew
completely.
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The other side of the story…
• She said, “When we were
dating, I thought all the
physical affection was how he
showed me he loved me.
• After we got married, it
seemed that all he could think
about was sex. Did he love
me, or just my body? Did he
want to spend time with me
or just have sex?
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God is always ‘right on’!
“This mystery is profound, and I
am saying that it refers to Christ
and the church. However, let each
one of you love his wife as
himself, and let the wife see that
she respects her husband.” (Ephesians
5:32-33 ESV)
Suggested Reading:
Ephesians 5
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
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Wrapping it up with an easy
way to remember:
Talking:
Time:
Towel:
Tokens:
Touch:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Giving and Receiving Gifts
Appropriate Physical Touch
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What is your love language?
Talk? Time? Towel?
Tokens or Touch?
• “I feel most loved when…
• We usually love others in our love language
and feel most loved when it is returned in the
same language.
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How to tell the Love Language of
others:
• Look for how your loved one
shows love.
• If you aren’t sure, love in one
language for a week at a time
and watch how the person
responds.
• Look for signs of what fills up
their “Love Tank”
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How to best love those with the
Love Language of “Words of
Affirmation”
• Communicate:


Kind Words
Positive, affirming words
• Do:

Send encouraging notes
• Avoid:

Critical words
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How to best love those with the
Love Language of
“Quality Time”
• Communicate:


One-on-one time
Without interruptions
• Do:

Spend time together
• Avoid:


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Times apart
Spending too much time
time with others
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How to best love those with the Love Language
of
“Acts of Service”
• Communicate:
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Action words: I will!
What else can I do?
• Do:

Help with chores
• Avoid:
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Not doing your part or
waiting to be asked
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How to best love those with the Love Language
of “Giving and Receiving Gifts”
• Communicate:

You are thinking of them
• Do:
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Give gifts for special times
and also, just because you
are thinking of them
• Avoid:
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Forgetting special and
significant dates
How to best love those with the Love Language
of “Physical Touch”
• Communicate:
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Lots of non-verbals
• Do:
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Touch often, lovingly,
and appropriately
• Avoid:
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Physical neglect or
abuse
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Look for the signs…
If you are married:
What does your spouse do
or fail to do that hurts
you most deeply?
What have you most
requested of your
spouse?
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What not to do:
• Withhold love in their love
language when you are
angry with them
• For children: use their love
language to punish them
for disobedience
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Remember…
• Love is a choice.
• Choose to give love outside
of your love language
because you love someone
and want them to know it!
• “Love doesn’t erase the past
but it makes the future
different.”
Dr. Gary Chapman
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Resources:
Love Languages Books by
Gary Chapman:
1. The Five Love Languages
for Couples
2. Love Languages for
Children
3. Love Languages for Teens
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Books by Jody
www.jodycapehart.com
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If I can be of service to you, your women’s ministry,
church or school, you may contact me at:
Jody Capehart
[email protected]
214-597-2904
www.jodycapehart.com
www.schoolwhisperer.com
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