Communication and Social Styles Presenter: Joseph Walk [email protected] October 16, 2013 Welcome! Today’s session will help you to: • Examine a communication model. • Identify barriers to effective communication. • Learn active listen techniques to successfully respond to others. • Recognize the importance of asking questions. Welcome! Today’s session will help you to: • Discover ways that our perceptions affect communication. • Complete the social styles inventory to discover your interpersonal style and gain insight into your behavioral strengths and weaknesses. Your Role • • • • • Participate in activities. Learn from everyone. Apply information to personal situations. Be challenged. Have fun! Miscommunication Exercise • Describe a recent conversation in which there was a miscommunication. Why Communication is Important • Communication is a necessary tool for understanding. • Miscommunication may actually be a cause of conflict, stress, or misunderstandings. Communication is Interpersonal • Communication is a two-way process (sending and receiving) by which ideas are transmitted from one person to another. Communication is Interpersonal • Try to accomplish four basic things: – Be understood. – Understand others. – Be accepted. – Get something done. context interprets message experience culture semantics values intelligence verbal message sender receiver non-verbal message message intent message content barriers Feedback… verbal and non-verbal message environmental syntax errors physiological psychological social Factors Influencing Communication • • • • • Context. Interpretation. Feedback. Barriers. Semantics. • Jargon. • Acronyms. Semantics • What are semantics? • The meaning we attach to words. – “Pass.” – “Cool.” – “Shoot.” – “Hanger.” Jargon • Potentially confusing phrases we use (typically at work or in a hobby) that others outside our group may not immediately understand. – “Pedagogy.” – “Execute a four-ship closed pattern.” – “Kerf.” • What is some jargon at your workplace? Acronyms • New “words” formed by using the first letter of each word in a phrase. – Radio detection and ranging. – Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus. • Penn State…GURU and ANGEL – GURU – “General University Reference Utility” – ANGEL – “A New Global Environment for Learning” • What are some acronyms at your workplace? What is “active listening?” Active Listening • Active listening is a deliberate process through which we seek to understand the true meaning of the conversation and the emotions behind the thoughts. Active Listening • Active listeners internalize the speaker’s feelings and try to see things from his or her perspective. • Active listeners appreciate both the meaning and the feelings behind what the speaker is saying. Active Listening • By understanding the speaker’s attitudes and feelings, we can better understand his or her point of view. Verbal The words we say. Verbal Language • The actual words we speak. • Not… – Gestures. – Facial expressions. – Other forms of non-verbal or paralanguage. Non-verbal What we see. Power of Non-verbals • Difficult to separate the verbal from the non-verbal. • Frequently unaware of the non-verbal impressions we are creating. • We are always communicating nonverbally, whether we intend to or not. Power of Non-verbals • You cannot not communicate. Non-verbal Communication • Non-verbal communication is anything that can be “perceived” by the other person. Non-verbal Communication • • • • • Facial expression. Eye contact. Body movement and gestures. Touching behavior. Stance. Non-verbal Communication • • • • • • Personal space. Voice characteristics. Use of pauses. Physical appearance. Clothing and jewelry. Physical distance from the other person. Non-verbals and Diversity • Non-verbal behaviors differ from culture to culture. • What is acceptable non-verbal behavior in one culture may be unacceptable in another. Gesture - Japan I’m angry. Gesture - France I don’t believe you. With a little practice, we can interpret non-verbals. Ready? Paralanguage Messages we send by “how” we communicate. Defining Paralanguage • Communicate many emotions through the voice. • Paralanguage is the ability of the voice to affect how something is said. Defining Paralanguage • • • • • • Rate of speech. Diction and pronunciation. Tone. Rhythm and inflection. Volume. Use of pauses, hesitation, sighs, fillers. Verbal, Non-verbal, and Paralanguage • What percent of meaning comes from each of the following? – Verbals – Non-verbals – Paralanguage 7% _________ 38% _________ 55% _________ 100% Perceptions • Two or more people looking at the same situation or object may interpret that situation differently. • Formed by our values, experiences, culture, and expectations. Perception and Communication • People must communicate to get work done. • The better the understanding, the better the efficiency, effectiveness, and creativity. • Communication is a mutually influencing process. Perception and Communication • We form beliefs and knowledge about fellow workers based on our interactions with them. • We know what the person is like, what he or she will do in a given situation, and how the person views us. Perception and Communication • Our “reality” affects what we see and hear and (therefore) how we respond to situations. • We reject “wrong” information rather than change our beliefs. Perception and Communication • If you think someone is unable to handle a difficult assignment, you are likely to see his or her inability to do so. • Pygmalion Effect. Perception and Reality • This picture shows two images at the same time. • In any given situation two or more interpretations are often possible. – Both interpretations may be “correct.” • Once we “see” a situation in one way, it may be difficult to see the same situation in any other way. Is Perception Reality? • Al is Mark’s supervisor. They are standing near the water cooler and, with loud voices and strong gestures, they are talking to each other. • If you don’t hear them, what might you conclude? Is Perception Reality? • They are angry with each other. • They are shouting and gesturing because their work environment is noisy. • One may draw an inaccurate conclusion. • Maybe they both came from a culture where loud speaking and constant gesturing is the norm. Asking Questions • Questions help us gain information, insight, and understanding. • It is valuable to ask open-ended questions. Open-closed sentence exercise. Good and Poor Listening Behaviors Good listening behaviors 1. 2. 3. 4. Poor listening behaviors 1. 2. 3. 4. Good Listeners/Poor Listeners Good listening Behaviors 1. Maintain eye contact. 2. Ask questions to clarify what the speaker is saying. 3. Paraphrase the speaker’s message to ensure understanding. 4. Don’t rush the speaker. Poor listening Behaviors 1. Interrupt the speaker. 2. Jump to conclusions. 3. Avoid eye contact. 4. Don’t respond at all! No comments. No feedback. No questions. Sharpen Your Listening • Communication is difficult and complicated. • Speakers and listeners have responsibilities to each other. Sharpen Your Listening • The speaker’s responsibility is to organize thoughts and communicate them as effectively as possible. • The listener’s responsibility is to listen actively to understand. Listen for “What” and “Why” • Find the meaning of what the person is trying to communicate, as well as the purpose of the communication (why). Don’t Interrupt the Speaker • Interrupting or arguing with the speaker will guarantee the message does not get across. • Interruptions break the speaker’s train of thought and sidetracks the message. Mirror Back the Thought • If we can express others’ ideas in our own words, we verify we have the intended meaning. • If we haven’t, the speaker can repeat or clarify his or her meaning using different words. Look for Agreement • When we hear something that is unacceptable, we stop listening and mentally refute what was said. • If we listen for points of agreement, many arguments will disappear. Mixed Messages • The speaker’s words say one thing but the non-verbals say something else. • When we sense a mixed message, we tend to attach greater meaning to the non-verbals than to the verbals. Photo from Jon Wiley http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonwiley/1208632794/ Photo from Kevin Collins http://www.flickr.com/photos/kevincollins/2024696455/ Non-verbal Feedback • As a listener, your non-verbals are just as powerful as when you are the speaker. • You could be sending mixed messages. – – – – Sit attentively. Face the speaker. Make eye contact. Use supportive non-verbals, such as nodding or saying “uh-huh.” Communication Exercise • Please stand. • Form pairs. • One of you will be person “A” and the other person “B.” Social Styles What is Social Style? • Social style is a pattern of typical actions that others can observe and agree upon to describe usual behavior. • Can lead to better communication • Better relationships. • Behavioral model that helps people better understand themselves and others. What is Social Style? • Social style is not “personality.” • Social style refers to observable behaviors. • Social style is not absolute – it is a matter of degree. • Most people behave predictably. Behavior is not random. • There is no one best style. Personality Pie • Behavior – what you say and do. • Interpersonal behavior – what you say and do when you interact with one or more people. • Social style – a pattern of actions. • Personality – combination of ideas, values, hopes, dreams, attitudes, abilities and behavior. Assertiveness • A dimension of behavior that measures the degree to which others perceive a person as tending to ask or tell in interactions with others. Assertiveness Asks Tells Assertiveness Behaviors • • • • • • Pace of speech. Quantity of speech. Volume of speech. Use of hands. Body posture. Eye contact. Responsiveness • A dimension of behavior that measures the degree to which others perceive a person as tending to control or display their feelings and emotions when interacting. Controls Responsiveness Emotes Responsiveness Behaviors • • • • • • Emotion in voice. Subjects of speech. Form of descriptives. Use of hands. Body posture. Facial expression. Social Style Model Attributes • Drivers – independent, formal, practical, dominating. • Expressives – animated, forceful, opinionated, impulsive. • Amiables – dependable, supportive, pliable, open. • Analyticals – serious, exacting, indecisive, logical. Need, Orientation, Growth Action • Style need - the general goal of each style indicated by observable behaviors. • Style orientation - typical behavior of each style used to obtain the need. • Style growth action – infrequent behaviors; viewed as weaknesses of the style. Drivers – “No excuses, please…” • Style need – results. • Style orientation – action. • Style growth action – to listen. Expressives – “I have an idea…” • Style need – personal approval. • Style orientation – spontaneity. • Style growth action – to check. Amiables – “Let’s get along…” • Style need – personal security. • Style orientation – relationships. • Style growth action – to initiate. Analyticals – “Just the facts…” • Style need – to be right. • Style orientation – thinking. • Style growth action – to declare. Driver • • • • • • Direct and to the point. Tell rather than ask. Act with confidence and authority. Move quickly; get down to business. Value results. Seem impatient. Driver • • • • Little voice inflection. Little facial expression and few gestures. Candid. Often callous or unyielding. Driver • Make quick decisions. • Action-oriented. • Take risks without having all the information. • Well-organized to get results. • Aggressive in getting goals accomplished. Driver • Accept challenges. • Like to gain control over people and projects. • Often find the fastest way to get things done. Drivers excel at… • • • • • • Achieving goals. Responding to situations requiring action. Taking control. Making decisions. Acting independently. Getting others to act. Drivers in the extreme… • • • • • • Are impulsive. May be too autocratic. Can be insensitive. Don’t listen. Use too little caution. Pressure others to reach unrealistic deadlines. Drivers need to work on… • Listening to others. • Controlling the need to control. • Slowing down. Who are (or were) some famous drivers? • • • • • George Patton. John Wayne. Hillary Clinton. Lee Iacocca. Donald Trump. Expressive • • • • • • Outgoing and gregarious…involve others. Talks easily to others upon first meeting. Spends time developing relationships. Very talkative. Very persuasive. Entertaining and upbeat. Expressive • Irritated with others who “aren’t fun.” • Avoids facts and details. • Speaks with inflection, facial expression, gestures. • Enthusiastic. • Displays feelings openly. Expressive • • • • • Generates several solutions to problems. Responds to change quickly. Decides intuitively and spontaneously. Turns “on” and “off” quickly. Short attention span. Expressive • Finds new ways to do things. • Gets people involved. • Makes work fun. Expressives excel at… • Getting breakthrough results. • High-energy situations where a lot of people get involved. • Pointing out the positives in any situation. • Looking at the “big picture.” Expressives excel at… • Creative thinking and generating lots of ideas. • Imaginative ways to get results. • Adding humor. Expressives in the extreme… • • • • • May be too spontaneous. May lose focus and not follow through. Talk too much. Don’t listen enough. May overlook facts or deadlines. Expressives in the extreme… • Change their minds. • Forget to inform others; not coordinate well with colleagues. • Get carried away with unworkable ideas. • Push back when frustrated. Expressives need to work on… • Paying attention to details. • Avoid deep involvement with people too quickly. • Self-discipline. Who are (or were) some famous expressives? • • • • • • Bill Cosby. Bill Clinton. Robin Williams. Johnny Carson. Lucille Ball. Richard Simmons. Amiable • • • • • Ask others for preferences. Support others. Very good listeners. Like to think and plan. “People first.” Amiable • • • • • • Avoid issues that cause conflict. Preserve positive relationships. High concern for others’ emotional needs. Tone and expressions are soft. Display emotions openly. Use people stories to illustrate. Amiable • Decide after very careful consideration. • Effect of a possible solution upon people. • Prefers action that preserves the status quo. • Introduce change slowly. Amiable • Likes a steady, comfortable pace at work. • Takes the time to plan so decisions are “correct” and not chaotic. Decides slowly. • Proceeds with caution. Doesn’t jump to conclusions. Amiable • Builds a team where there is cooperation and acceptance. • Develops deep, long-term, authentic relationships. • Protects people from crises. • Finds comfortable ways to work. • Preserves traditions. Amiables excel at… • Developing a plan and proceeding as planned. • Considering others’ needs and interests. • Creating cohesive teams. • Helping others meet goals. Amiables excel at… • Listening to others. • Empathizing. • Adding calmness, patience, and warmth at work. Amiables in the extreme… • • • • Try too hard to please others. May be too cautious. May refuse to deviate from “the plan.” Avoid conflicts that need to be confronted. Amiables in the extreme… • May appear to lack convictions; isn’t comfortable speaking freely at times. • May not state preferences. • Can be overly sensitive; like to be liked. Amiables need to work on… • Being more assertive when warranted. • Dealing with change. • Being more decisive. Who are (or were) some famous amiables? • • • • • • Oprah Winfrey. Mahatma Gandhi. Abraham Lincoln. June Cleaver. Jimmy Carter. Mr. (Fred) Rogers. Analytical • • • • • Wait until asked before sharing information. Easy to get along with; dislike confrontation. Get right to the task at hand. Keep feelings close. Want all the facts. Analytical • • • • Wants logic and structure. Worries about skipping details. Few gestures or facial expressions. Speaks slowly and evenly with little inflection. Analytical • • • • • Looks to a precedent to help decide. Quality and accuracy are paramount. Perfectionist. Makes slow decisions after much analysis. Attention to detail. Analytical • • • • • Prefers no action to “incorrect” action. Methodical, systematic, rules follower. Seeks proof for solutions. Develops procedures. Proceeds only with solid facts and logic. Analyticals excel at… • Maintaining an orderly, predictable work environment. • Detail-rich solutions. • Following established best practices. • Doing things right with high standards. • Gathering and analyzing facts and data. Analyticals in the extreme… • • • • • Are perfectionists. Are critical of themselves and others. Proceed too cautiously. Are nitpickers. Too rules-bound. Analyticals in the extreme… • Appear emotionless and humorless. • Get bogged down in data. • Are boring. Analyticals need to work on… • • • • • Not becoming paralyzed by data. Making quicker decisions. Sharing concerns. Sharing feelings. Being less self-critical. Who are (or were) some famous analyticals? • • • • • • Albert Einstein. Bill Gates. Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Edison. Sherlock Holmes. Alan Greenspan. Party Example Analyticals In the corner… Amiables Catching up… Drivers With the analyticals… Expressives Working the room… Marksmanship Example Analytical Aim… Ready? Aim… Aim… Driver Ready? Aim… Fire! Aim… Aim… Amiable Expressive Is Ready? everyone ready? Fire! Fire! Fire! Aim… Fire! Fire! Fire! Relationship Lessons Learned • We differ in our willingness to speak or solicit ideas from others. • We differ in our willingness to take charge. • We differ in our comfort in expressing feelings. Relationship Lessons Learned • We use different approaches to influence people. • We have differing expectations at work about how to make decisions. • We differ about what is most important. Social Styles Exercise • You are to plan a New Years Eve party that will appeal to a certain style. • Four small groups, please. Reflections Closing Thoughts… • Good communication is difficult. • Your perceptions affect your interpretation. • What’s one thing about your opposite social style that drives you nuts? • What’s one thing about your opposite social style that you appreciate?