Messy Love
Where is love when life goes pear shaped?
Life’s problems
Life’s traumatic incidents include:
• Accidents
Motor vehicle
Life’s traumatic incidents include:
• Health issues
Life’s traumatic incidents include:
 Natural disasters
Life’s traumatic incidents include:
 Violent acts
Home invasion
Armed robbery
Menacing threats
Life’s traumatic incidents include:
• Personal violations
Child abuse
Sexual assault
Domestic violence
Life’s traumatic incidents include:
 Family dysfunction
Where is love when I am going through a
Marriage in our present society is very fragile. It is:
 delayed for longer
 increasingly displaced by cohabitation
 bereft of meaning for more and more young adults
 likely to end in divorce for one out of three people
Recovery from Divorce
Think of sadness as a tunnel – its dark for a while, but soon
the light shines at the end. And finally you’re in the light. You
never forget what’s behind you, but you’re ready to enjoy life
again. That’s grief. That’s the path back to happiness.
Karen Dockrey – Will I Ever Feel Good Again
Recovery from Divorce
The waves come in different types and stages
The types and stages aren’t always in order
Sometimes two or more waves come together
Once one type of wave passes, it may come back again
Some waves are easier to ride, but with God’s help all can be
ridden safely
Karen Dockery
Why Me?
1. When you ask ‘Why?’ you are in
good company.
Why did I not perish at
birth, and die as I came
from the womb?
(Job 3:11)
Why, O LORD, do you stand far
away? Why do you hide
yourself in times of trouble?
Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about
mourning, oppressed by the
(Psalm 10:1, 42:9)
Why is my pain unending and
my wound grievous and
incurable? Will you be to me like
a deceptive brook, like a spring
that fails?
(Jer. 15:18)
Why do you make me look at
injustice? Why do you tolerate
wrong? Why then do you
tolerate the treacherous? Why
are you silent while the wicked
swallow up those more
righteous than themselves?
(Hab. 1:3, 13)
My God, my God, why
have you forsaken me?
(Matt. 27:46)
2. Our faith grows when we don’t
have an answer
Romans Ch. 8 to the Rescue
18 Yet
what we suffer now is nothing compared to the
glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is
waiting eagerly for that future day when God will
reveal who his children really are.
26 And
the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For
example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for.
But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that
cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who
knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the
Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own
28 And
we know that God causes everything to work
together for the good of those who love God and are
called according to his purpose for them.
“How come that in your movies you always come
across so cool, calm and collected – you never seem
to get uptight and you’re always in control.” His
reply, “Easy, I’ve read the script. I know how the
movie ends. I always win.”
One day when he was preaching, a drunk threw a
brick at him. He was badly injured and he was
hospitalised. During that time in hospital he wrote
a number of articles for the Salvation Army
newspaper, the War Cry. These articles were later
put into the small booklet ‘Helps to Holiness’.
Whenever people expressed appreciation for the
book he always mentioned the brick. No little
brick—no little book! His wife kept the brick and
wrote the words of Genesis 50:20 on it. “You meant
evil against me but God meant it for good”.
31 What
shall we say about such wonderful things as
these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?
35 Can
anything ever separate us from Christ’s love?
Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or
calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or
in danger, or threatened with death?
37 No,
despite all these things, overwhelming victory is
ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And
I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us
from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels
nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries
about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can
separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky
above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all
creation will ever be able to separate us from the love
of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Remain in God’s love.
• Choose to live in God’s love
• Choose to express God’s
love to others
• Practice forgiveness
• Let romantic love die
God gives us two gifts:
One is
and the
other is
The choice of a good life
and the opportunity to
make it the best!
Don’t focus on your pain.
Bitterness : ‘drinking poison and hoping that
someone else dies.’
A practical exercise for recovery:
1. What I have lost
2. What I have not lost
3. What I have gained
4. What I can replace

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