Ken Nesbitt Poems - Fort Thomas Independent Schools

Kenn Nesbitt Poems
Presented by Mrs. Vermeil’s
2nd grade class
Woodfill Elementary
Bubble Wrap, Bubble Wrap
Bubble wrap, bubble wrap,
pop, pop, pop.
Wrapped around my bottom.
Wrapped around my top.
I'm double-wrapped in bubble wrap
It's covering my clothes.
It's wrapped around my fingers.
It's wrapped around my toes.
I've wrapped myself in bubble wrap
exactly as I'd planned.
But now I'm tied so tightly,
I can barely even stand.
I'm having trouble walking.
I can hardly even hop.
I guess I'll have to roll today.
Pop, pop, pop.
--Kenn Nesbitt (based on an idea by Donna Lee Murphy)
One morning in my bedroom
I was startled by a snake,
so I picked him up and took him out
and threw him in the lake.
He returned a minute later,
meaning, no, he didn't drown,
so I put him on my bicycle
and rode him out of town.
It was hardly half an hour
till he turned up in my room,
so I packed him in a parcel
and I shipped him to Khartoum.
When I found him back again
on the succeeding afternoon
I went looking for a way that
I could blast him to the moon.
When I couldn't find a rocket
it was then I knew that, dang,
a snake is yours forever
once he eats your boomerang.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Snake Mistake
A Pug is a Dog
A pug is a dog
with a curlicue tail.
He eats like a hog
and he snores like a whale.
He's flat in the snout
and his belly is big.
The pug came about
just by misspelling pig.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Frog Has Got a Steering Wheel
My frog has got a steering wheel,
a radio, a door,
a hefty V-8 engine
and a stick shift on the floor.
My frog is a convertible
with comfy leather seats.
I drive my frog to go to work
or cruise around the streets.
But now my frog is missing.
Though parked it on the road,
I didn't plug the meter
and it must have gotten toad.
--Kenn Nesbitt
I’m Building a Rocket
I'm building a rocket.
As soon as I'm done
I'm taking my friends
on a trip to the sun.
I'm building a rocket.
It's going to fly.
I'm taking my friends
way up high in the sky.
But what to you mean
that the sun is too hot?
Oh well, I suppose
I'll just pick a new spot.
But what do you mean
when you ask how we'll land?
This rocket is harder
to build than I planned.
I'm building a rocket.
I'm finishing soon
and taking my friends
on a trip to the moon!
To heck with the rocket.
It's out in the shed.
I'm taking my friends
out for pizza instead.
But what do you mean
that the moon has no air?
Well dang, then I guess
that we can't go up there.
--Kenn Nesbitt
The Werewolf’s Undergarment Store
If you should need a t-shirt
or perhaps a pair of socks,
the Werewolf has you covered,
for it's stockings that he stocks.
His shop has briefs and boxer shorts,
brassieres and BVDs,
suspenders, slips, and other
undergarments such as these.
He'll find you flannel long johns,
which he stocks in "his" and "hers."
And, yes, he does have diapers
for his baby customers.
No matter if it's undershirts
or tights you're looking for,
the underwear is over at
The Underwearwolf Store.
When Pigs Fly
I've heard it said that pigs will fly
and someday soon they'll rule the sky.
That may sound strange but, if it's right,
I don't suppose they'll fly a kite.
I'll bet, instead, they'll have to train
so they can learn to fly a plane,
or join the Navy where they'll get
to learn to fly a fighter jet.
Or maybe they'll grow piggy wings,
or put on shoes with giant springs,
or fly in huge hot-air balloons,
or seaplanes with those big pontoons,
or biplanes like a flying ace,
or shuttles into outer space,
or rocket ships for trips to Mars,
or flying saucers to the stars.
However pigs decide to fly,
as long as they are way up high
and busy buzzing all around
instead of grunting on the ground,
I think it's safe to say I'll love
to see them soaring up above.
I'm sure I won't be shocked or shaken.
Still, I'll prob'ly miss the bacon.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Polar Bowling
It used to be that polar bears
went bowling, just for grins,
with snowballs for their bowling balls
and penguins as the pins.
The bears would have a blast
with all the snowballs that they threw.
The penguins weren't as happy;
that's the only time they flew.
So penguins all moved south and now
they're at the other pole.
Well, wouldn't you move far away
if bears used you to bowl?
--Kenn Nesbitt
Things You Don’t Need to Know
Don't test a rattlesnake's rattle.
Don't count the teeth of a shark.
Don't stick your head in the mouth of a bulldog
to find out what's making him bark.
Don't count the stripes on a tiger.
Don't squeeze an elephant's trunk.
Don't pet the scales of a boa constrictor
and don't lift the tail of a skunk.
Don't study spots on a leopard.
Don't check the charge of an eel.
Don't pull the claws on a grizzly bear's paws
regardless of how brave you feel.
Don't pull a porcupine's whiskers.
Don't touch a crocodile's toe.
Learn all you like, but try not to forget:
there are some things you don't need to know.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Samantha Cinderella Scott
Samantha Cinderella Scott
was told she'd have to have a shot
The doctor said, "You're somewhat sick;
I think a shot should do the trick."
He said, "You shouldn't feel a thing,
except perhaps a tiny sting,
a painless prick, a poke, a pinch.
It shouldn't even make you flinch.
"You won't begin to bleat or bawl.
I doubt that it will hurt at all.
I don't expect to see it bruise
or swell your arm and start to ooze.
"There's little chance of belly aches
or fevers, chills or sudden shakes.
It's not supposed to cause a cough.
Your arm will likely not fall off.
"I'm guessing that there won't be lots
of itchy red and purple spots.
Convulsions, too, are fairly rare.
I think you'll get to keep your hair.
"In fact, the chance is nearly nil
that you'll become intensely ill,
or grow a ghastly greenish hue,
or turn into a kangaroo.
"It's nearly certain that you'll not
become a fish or flowerpot.
I'm quite convinced it's fair to say
you won't turn into mush today.
"But if you start to shake and cough
or if your head should tumble off,
if you become a moose or mule
you'll get a day away from school."
Samantha Cinderella Scott
took just a moment, deep in thought,
then yawned the slightest little yawn,
and told the doctor "Bring it on!"
--Kenn Nesbitt
Halloween is Nearly Here
Halloween is nearly here.
I've got my costume planned.
It's sure to be the most horrific
outfit in the land.
If you should see me coming
you may scream and hide your head.
My get-up will, I guarantee,
fill every heart with dread.
My costume may cause nightmares.
Yes, my mask may stop your heart.
You might just shriek and wet yourself,
then squeemishly depart.
And yet, I won't be dressing as
you might expect me to.
I will not be a vampire
or ghost that hollars "boo!"
I won't look like a werewolf
or a goblin or a ghoul,
or even like a slimy blob
of deadly, dripping drool.
I will not be a zombie
or some other horrid creature.
No, this year I'll be much, much worse...
I'm dressing as a teacher.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Dog Fred
I have a dog.
His name is Fred.
He won't play fetch.
He won't play dead.
He won't shake hands
or sit or stay
or bark or beg
or run and play.
He won't roll over,
shake or crawl.
In fact, he won't
do tricks at all.
When folks ask why
I tell them that's
because my dog
was raised by cats.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Dog Fred
April Fool’s Day
Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion
on the teacher's chair.
Makayla told the teacher
that a bug was in her hair.
Alyssa brought an apple
with a purple gummy worm
and gave it to the teacher
just to see if she would squirm.
Elijah left a piece of plastic
dog doo on the floor,
and Vincent put some plastic vomit
in the teacher's drawer.
Amanda put a goldfish
in the teacher's drinking glass.
These April Fool's Day pranks
are ones that you could use in class.
Before you go and try them, though,
there's something I should mention:
The teacher wasn't fooling
when she put us in detention.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Gabby's Baby Beagle
(A Tongue Twister)
Gabby bought a baby beagle
at the beagle baby store.
Gabby gave her beagle kibble,
but he begged for bagels more.
Gabby loved her baby beagle;
gladly Gabby gave him one,
but her beagle grabbed the bag and
gulped them down till there were none.
So she took her baby beagle
to the bagel baker's store,
where the beagle gobbled bagels,
bags of bagels by the score.
Gabby's beagle gorged on bagels,
bigger bagels than before,
till he'd gobbled every bagel
in the baker's bagel store.
Gulping bagels bulges baby
beagles' bellies really big.
Say goodbye to baby beagle;
Gabby's beagle's now a pig.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Gilman Glum
When Gilman Glum would suck his thumb,
he'd claim, "It's just the best!
It's simply incontestable.
I've put it to the test.
"I've sucked the thumbs of kings and queens,
of presidents and popes.
I've sucked the thumbs of geniuses
and even those of dopes.
"The taste is so delectable.
No other thumb compares.
I've tried the thumbs of beggared bums
and multi-millionaires.
"I've tasted thumbs from far away
and thumbs from right next door;
from San Francisco, Santa Fe,
and even Singapore.
"I tried a few from Kathmandu
and Norway and Nepal.
Yes, when it comes to sucking thumbs
I'm sure I've tried them all.
"If ever you could try it too
I'm sure that you'd agree.
But, sadly though you'll never know;
my thumb is just for me."
Advice from Dracula
Don't ever dine with Frankenstein;
He feasts on flaming turpentine.
He chomps and chews on soles of shoes,
and quaffs down quarts of oily ooze.
At suppertime he'll slurp some slime.
He's known to gnaw on gristly grime.
His meals of mud and crispy crud
will curl your hair and chill your blood.
His poison, pungent, putrid snacks
may cause you seizures and attacks.
Your hair may turn completely white.
You may pass out or scream in fright.
Your skin will crawl.
Your throat will burn.
Your eyes will bulge.
Your guts will churn.
Your teeth will clench.
Your knees will shake.
Your hands will sweat.
Your brain will bake.
You'll cringe and cry.
You'll moan and whine.
You'll feel a chill
run down your spine.
You'll lose your lunch.
You'll lose your head.
So come...
and dine with ME instead.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Imaginary Friend
I came to school today
with my imaginary friend.
When everyone said "hi" to him,
I said, "He's just pretend."
But no one seemed to notice,
which I thought was pretty weird.
It turns out he'd imagined me,
and, poof, I disappeared.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Pig Won’t Let Me Watch TV
My Pig Won't Let Me Watch TV
My pig won't let me watch TV.
It's totally unfair.
He watches anything he wants
but doesn't ever share.
I never get to watch cartoons
or anything like that.
He's busy watching farming shows.
I should have got a cat.
I should have got a goldfish
or a guinea pig or goat.
Instead, I've got this pig
who's always hogging the remote.
--Kenn Nesbitt

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