Meeting Girls & Guys: Pickup for Smart People

James Norris
[email protected]
Because you’re smart. And statistically you have less
sex than average. “Each additional point of IQ
increased the odds of virginity by 2.7% for males and
1.7% for females.”
 You
(hopefully) also realize there is a lot
more to life than sex. Good relationships
 So either sex or love or both brought you
Exercise: start practicing now. Pick up your neighbor, male or female. Use
your context to open. Spend 30 seconds per person and then stop talking.
Just a nerd that learned
how to be “appropriately
nerdy” =)
 Because
I empathize. It’s damn hard to be a
guy in SG lah.
• You have to study non-stop until you’re 22+ so you
don’t have much time to learn how to meet women
NS effectively makes you boring for two years
No car (of your own)
Walking a girl/guy past grandma and grandpa on
the couch in your tiny HDB with paper-thin walls is
not fun (maybe the SDN folks should be talking with
the HDB folks?)
On that note, no windows to climb through at
3am…unless you can scale 7 stories
Big picture
Daytime connection
Online connection
No time for…
Creating rapport -> escalation -> dating > sex -> how to pop the HDB question /
engagement -> marriage
 Number
one thing: be awesome /
amazing / remarkable / incredible /
fantastic / unique / great / wonderful /
one-of-a-kind / compelling / salient /
 Believe “you are the prize” and
simultaneously build your mate value
So let’s take a look at the
elephant in the room. Boy
is it…heavy.
• Yes, physical attractiveness
matters. But it is only one facet
of mate value.
• Yes, you can become more
physically attractive. You
already know how. So get on
it! Or you won’t be getting on
• Statistically, you’ll likely end
up with someone of relatively
similar attractiveness. But
there are exceptions…
Padma Lakshmi (Top Chef host) & Salman Rushdie (famous author)
 Goal
is to build an authentic connection,
elicit a touch of attraction, and then
secure contact information
 Natural
 Context-dependent
 Everywhere!
 Singapore
is the second most densely
packed country in the world + a ton of
people use mass transit = accessibility is
not an issue
 If all else fails: visit NLB late on Friday
night =)
 Proximity
is everything: subtly position
yourself to open (e.g., stand next to
 Approach within three seconds to
minimize “freeze” (goal is to
automatically be opening all the time)
 Usually good idea to “warm up” first by
meeting anybody and everybody before
you approach that girl/guy that you’re
really, really into
Context-driven + invented
on the fly
“What did you think about
that ___?”
“Nice ___”
“Do you know where ___
“So why are you here at
“Hi, my name is ___”
“Hey you’re really cute so I
just had to come over and
say hi…”
“Aww you’re adorable. You
remind me of _____.”
 Bright
green/blue shoes
 Brightly coloured shirt
 Funny t-shirt
 Fancy watch
 Crazy hair
 Tattoo (could be temporary)
 Decorated/blinged out laptop/phone
 Being exceptionally well-dressed
 Being foreigner/expat
All this is from a gorgeous Singaporean girl…
It’s all in your mind—a matter of framing
View it as a game (can resurrect in game when you die, right?)
Don't think too much/don’t intellectualize
Ladder theory
Cuddle “friend” risk
Stop fearing rejection (you are hereby challenged to fail and fail a lot—that’s
how you will win)
Rejection is actually a good thing--it means you won’t be wasting your time
with someone who lacks the vision to see how amazing you are
Don't be a pansy
Bookstores, talks, workshops, volunteer events, etc. are overlooked
Always be on the lookout
Always be ready (e.g., dress the part, have breath mints, etc.)
Don't be a moron
Have your (interesting) story ready to go—practice your 10, 30, 60 second
elevator pitches
Stretch yourself/your boundaries
 eHarmony
= insane marriage hunters
 Match = frustrated suckers
 OkCupid = smart(er) deviants
 Plenty of Fish = your trailer or mine?
 Craigslist = your alley or mine?
Nerd haven
Extremely exciting matching algorithm (will change the
world) – for lovely data
 Short
 Casual
 Funny
 Unique
 Meet
 Let’s find him someone
 Psst…you will get ignored a lot (it’s okay)
• “Recipients answered only 30% of men's
messages to women and 45% of women's
messages to men. The percentage that lead to
conversations is even lower (around 20% and
30% respectively).”
This is also from a gorgeous Singaporean girl…
1) Hooks -- 3 keys to messaging on okc
memory: girls usually forget who you are, particularly if you're instant messaging them. The point is to make your name stick in their memory somehow, or if you have a forgettable name like, say, 'james', try
sharing something about yourself that stands out. Went spelunking last summer and fell headfirst into bat dung? Wow, I'd remember you even if you're okc guy #259 that's messaged me today.
relationship: remember that the word 'relationship' has the word 'relate' as part of it's etymology. How do you relate to someone? It helps if you have some common interests -- okc is the perfect shortcut.
You get to check out what she likes before you even start talking to her. Share the same taste in music? She might like a new song you just downloaded (legally...). And you get to show how passionate you
are about your interests at the same time. Warning: don't try to prove that you're her clone. Not cool. The trick is to show that you're similar, but you've got personality.
interest: how do you keep her interested in your conversation? This applies to both IM and messages on okc. I think most guys might have come across girls who just 'die' midway through your communique,
seemingly falling off the face of the earth. You've dropped the ball.
How do you avoid this?
#1: Do not offer to meet up for sex in the first message you send to her unless she is desperate (ie only on okc for the sex) AND you are hot stuff (ie you're buff, good-looking, and young or remarkably wellpreserved + all these are evident on your profile pic). If both of these conditions are not satisfied together, you are unlikely to get a response to 'hi girl u r so hawt lets meet up to ****'
#2: Use proper English. Recent studies have shown that for every 16- point increase in a man's IQ, his attractiveness goes up 30% -- it's the reverse for women. Ergo, women want to marry up in terms of
intelligence, and this applies to dating: they don't want to talk to guys who tAlK LiEk dIS, even if they do so themselves. Odd, isn't it?
#3: Show some personality. Contrary to popular belief, chicks are *bored* by guys that have loads of time to shower on them, ie 24/7.
Neither do they all want men who have a specific personality type, like *doormat*. Be respectful, but you don't have to hurry to prove that you're her twin brother she never knew about. You have your own
interests, so talk about them in moderate detail -- it helps to pretend that you're a busy man who doesn't spend half your life on okc, even if that actually is the case. Chicks dig men with ambition, too.
#4: Know things. I don't care what, just *something*, even if it's about how you beat the Zorg in Starcraft 2. So you're in NS now (and I get this a lot), but that is really no excuse to let your brain rot.
So what if you're stuck in camp 5 days a week? Does that really give you the excuse to not know what's going on in the world? Or to not have a favourite restaurant? Yawn, you can have a 100 hour work
week and still be interesting, FYI.
#5: If she stops replying, don't bother messaging again. And again.
And again. And again. Ad infinitum. Ad nauseam. There's a reason why she's stopped talking to you. She's not going to bother replying your 'wai u stop toking to me, I very sad ):' so don't even send that to
her. You've messed up, so re-evaluate where you went wrong and try again. I suspect many guys have the tendency to assume that there is something wrong with them when many girls just don't reply
them. The truth is that the problem is often with their messaging technique, rendering it not entirely unsalvageable. Take a look at where you went wrong, and try with a different girl. There are plenty of fish
on okc.
If you *must*, only message the same girl after a long period of waiting, say at least a week. And try something different. Surprise her. A 'hi' wouldn't work, but a sparkling comment on her new profile pic
might do the trick, eg 'hey I recognize that beach, it looks like Bali -- guess you had a nice vacation! There's this seafood place that you have to check out the next time you go there'. Bear in mind that the
response rate would probably drop by a lot, so she might not reply if her impression of you is fixed. It helps if you message after she's cleared her inbox, which is why the longer you wait, the better, so she
can't remember what annoying, lame, ball-less, etc etc essentially uninspiring comment you made the last time.
I’m involved.
I'm just looking for new friends right now.
I'm not dating right now. [At all.] Just not
 I'm not dating right now. [At all.] Just too busy.
 I’m not dating right now. [At all.] My dad/mom
would kill me.
 I'm not ready to date right now.
 My situation is complicated and probably will be
for a while.
 You're sweet but I know we're not all that
 Pick
us up!
 Practice meeting people today (tweet to
#meetsgpeeps every time you do one
 Make it a daily habit to meet at least one
new person (in person or online)
 Download talk from:
 Email for help: [email protected]

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