When playground Bullies Grow Up

Report
“WHEN PLAYGROUND
BULLIES GROW UP:
ADDRESSING BULLYING BEHAVIORS IN STUDENT
STAFF OR COWORKER RELATIONSHIPS
Presenters:
Kaitlin Korbitz
University of Wisconsin- River Falls
Alex Shaw
Fort Hays State University
RESOURCES
The Bully at Work
Toxic Workplace
The No-Asshole Rule
AREAS OF IMPORTANCE
• From Toxic Workplace!:
• The toxic person’s
characteristics and
behaviors
• Leaders’ reactions to toxic
behaviors
• Leaders’ strategies for
dealing with the toxic
person
• Effects of toxicity on the
system
• The role of organizational
culture on toxicity
• From No Asshole Rule:
• The Bully at Work
• How to identify assholes
(and asshole behavior)
• Identifying bullying
behaviors
• Rules for organizational
culture
• Effects on person and
productivity
• How to keep your “inner
jerk” from getting out
• Recovery
• No Asshole Rule as a way
of life
BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE:
DEFINITION
• From Bully at Work
• “Bullying at work is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of a person by one or more
workers that takes the form of verbal abuse;
• conduct or behaviors that are threatening, intimidating, or humiliating;
• sabotage that prevents work from getting done; or some combination of the three.
• Perpetrators are bullies; those on the receiving end are targets.
BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE:
DEFINITION
• Toxic Iceberg
• Tip: toxic person’s behavior
• Below the waterline: productivity and bottom-line losses
• Human and financial costs of toxic behavior
BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE:
DEFINITION
• No Asshole Rule
• Temporary Assholes
• Certified Assholes
• Asshole behavior
IDENTIFYING BULLIES
TOXIC PERSONALITIES
ASSHOLE ACTIONS
BULLIES AT WORK
TOXIC PERSONALITIES
3 TYPES
Type 1: Shaming Behavior
• Rallies the troops and singles out one person for the attach
• Verbal insults
• Arrogant/ condescending language/ behavior
• Public email abuse
• Exploit weakness
TOXIC PERSONALITIES
3 TYPES
Type 2: Passive Hostility
• Goes behind back instead of addressing people directly
• Change mind, but plead ignorance of original agreement
• Martyrdom
• Distrust of co-workers work and opinions
• Territorial, won’t collaborate or share
• Rejects negative feedback
TOXIC PERSONALITIES
3 TYPES
Type 3: Team Sabotage
• Collects info to later use against people
• Undermines authority
• Withholds information
• Enlists “spies”
• Abuse authority
ASSHOLE ACTIONS
• Personal insults
• Invading one’s “personal territory”
• Uninvited physical contact
• Threats and intimidation, both verbal
and nonverbal
• Status slaps intended to humiliate their
victims
• Public shaming or “status degradation”
rituals
• Rude interruptions
• “sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used as
insult delivery systems
• Two-faced attacks
• Withering e-mail flames
• Treating people as if they are invisible
• Dirty looks
BULLIES AT WORK
“SCREAMING MIMI”
• Scream, yells, curses
• Intimidates through gestures: points,
slams, throws
• Physically close to intimidate
• Interrupts
• Denies others thoughts or feelings
• Threatens (job loss or transfer)
BULLIES AT WORK
“CONSTANT CRITIC”
• Constantly focusing on target’s
“incompetence”
• Negatively responds to contributions
• Accuses, blames and fabricates errors
• Unreasonable demands
• Criticizes parts of life unrelated to work
BULLIES AT WORK
“GATEKEEPER”
• Deliberately cuts out of loop
• Refuses to make “reasonable
accommodations” (returning to work)
• Denies government and internal
mandated protections
• “silent treatment”
• Makes new rules on a whim
THE SANDBOX
• From Toxic Workplace!:
• Almost 50 percent of those who experiences incivility at work reported that they lost time
worrying about this (uncivil behavior) and its future consequences
• More than 25 percent of individuals who were targets of incivility acknowledged that they
cut back their work efforts
• 50 percent contemplated leaving their jobs after being the target of incivility, and 12 percent
did so
• From bullyingstatistics.org:
• 1/3 of folks within workplace are subject to bullying
• 20 percent of this bullying crosses line into harassment
• 60 percent of bullies identified as male
• Bully male and female identified persons equally
• Female bullies often bully other female-identified co-workers
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
HEALTH HAZARD
Physical
Economic
Social
• Cardiovascular
•
Co-worker isolation
•
• Reduced immunity
•
Encouraged compromise with
bully
Paid time off gets constantly
used
•
Personal savings tapped
• Stress headaches and
migraines
•
Spouse questions your role to
cause bullying
•
File for WC, potentially lose
the right to sue
•
Children and friends show
strain
•
•
Abandonment/ betrayal by
co-workers
Formally terminated so that
employer can deny
unemployment compensation
•
Employers order you to chose
between termination and WC
• Increased allergies, asthma
• Hair loss
• Weight swings
ARE YOU BEING BULLIED?
• Fear of going to work
• Feel you are provoked to cruelty
• Family asks you to stop obsessing about
work
• Boss is never pleased
• Too ashamed to tell friends
• Others told to disassociate with you
• Time off is used for “mental health”
• Feel agitated and anxious
• Exhausted, lifeless, no desire
• Surprise meetings
• Never left alone to work
• Favorite activities are no longer
appealing
• Others yell at you, but you are judged if
you fight back
• Supervisors tells you to work it out on
your own
• Supervisors agree, but won’t intervene
TOP 12 HEALTH CONSEQUENCES FOR BULLIED
TARGETS
(2003)
1.
Severe Anxiety (94%)
2.
Sleep disruption (84%)
3.
Loss of concentration (82%)
4.
Feeling edgy, easily startled [hyper
vigilance/ PTSD] (80%)
5.
Obsession over bully’s motives and
tactics (76%)
6.
Stress headaches (64%)
7. Avoidance of feelings, places
[Avoidance/ PTSD] (49%)
8.
Shame or embarrassment that changes
lifestyle/ routines (49%)
9.
Racing heart rate (48%)
10. Recurrent memories [Thought
Intrusion] (46%)
11. Body aches (43%)
12. Diagnosed depression (41%)
VICTIM/ TARGET SUPPORT
PREVENTION
THE NO ASSHOLE RULE
TOXIC ORGANIZATION CHANGE SYSTEM MODEL
BULLY AT WORK: ASSESSMENT AND RECOMMENDATIONS
ENFORCING THE NO ASSHOLE RULE
1. Say the rule, write it down and act on
it.
6. Manage moments- not just practices,
policies, and systems
2. Assholes will hire other assholes
6. Model and teach constructive
confrontation
3. Get rid of assholes fast
4. Treat certified assholes as
incompetent employees
5. Power breeds nastiness
7. Adopt the one asshole rule
8. The bottom line: link big policies to
small decencies
TOXIC ORGANIZATION
CHANGE SYSTEM MODEL
• Dynamic model- reflects belief that any change in the system affects all other parts of
the system directly or indirectly (butterfly effect)
• All parts of the system are vulnerable to toxicity, therefore all should be involved in
prevention and creation of effective solutions
• 3 Levels:
• Organizational Strategies
• Individual Strategies
• Team Strategies
ASSESS THE BULLIES IMPACT
1. How I relate to others
2. How other people see me
3. My performance at work
4. My ability to reason and solve problems
• Make 3 copies for yourself, a trusted co-worker, a family member.
• Do you see similarities? What are your strengths? Do you judge yourself too harshly?
HOW BULLY PROOF ARE YOU?
Graph
Raters
Do Well
Do a graph for each of the 5
areas
Could Do
Better
1. Quality of Relationships
with Others
Myself
2. Confidence in Personal
Competence
Friend
3. Emotional Effectiveness
Family
4. Confidence in personal
competence
5. Emotional effectiveness
INTERPRET THE IMPACT TABLE
• Who thinks you are relatively Bully Proof?
• Regarding what aspects?
• In what areas are you blind and therefore vulnerable?
• Who sees the effects of the bullying experience as you do?
• Are they right or are those who disagree with you right?
• How are they differences in observation related to the different levels of support you
receive?
• On whom can you count for a reality check when needed?
• Have you lost your sense of perspective? Are you the frog in boiling water?
CHANGING YOUR PERSPECTIVE
STEP 1
Compare your bully problems to a catastrophic event.
STEP 2
Mentally edit the memory of your encounter with the bully as if you were editing a film
STEP 3
Try to look at the experience as a positive event rather than an attack on you.
RESTORATION
• Establish and Protect Personal Boundaries
• Avoid Unattainable Standards
• Count Your Inner Circle
• Control Destructive Mind Games
• Escape the Trap of Self-Blame
• Satisfy Your Needs and Wants
• Anger and Shame
CONFRONT
Residents (Students you
mentor)
• Empowering victims (from pro staff,
potentially peers)
• Determine conflict style
• Offer mediation
• Encourage direct dialing
• Developmental conversations with bullies
• Remember, they are our students too
Co-workers
• Deal with it
• Twist it
• Conversation with bully
• Inform supervisor
• Form allies
• IMPLIMENT THESE METHODS
QUESTIONS?
REFLECTIONS?
TESTIMONIES?
CASE STUDY #1
Marie and Antoinette are Hall Directors at Regal University, which is a small, public institution.
The professional staff team consists of four hall directors, one assistant director and the director of
residence life. Marie transitioned to her position from the corporate world without a Master’s
degree, and was not completely familiar with her position. Antoinette graduated with a Master’s
in student affairs from a large, public institution, and her graduate position was in residence life.
During a 1:1 with you, the assistant director, Marie mentions that Antoinette pulls her aside often
to explain why her supervisory style is not effective, and gives her advice that is not solicited.
When Marie confronted Antoinette about her behavior, Antoinette began to cry and scream at
Marie. Marie comes to you concerned because one of Antoinette’s staff members mentioned the
confrontation to Marie during lunch in the dining hall and asked about why the conflict happened.
Antoinette does not get along with the only other hall director in the department, and often relies
on Marie for friendship and companionship.
•
•
Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying?
What would you do?
CASE STUDY #2
Pamela and John are mid-level professionals at Colonial University. Colonial is a large,
private, 4 year institution located in the Midwest. While considered at the same level in the
organizational chart, Pamela often sees John entering the director’s office to “chat”,
spending time with leaders at the University, and receiving projects that Pamela was not
aware of until John mentions them in passing. John consistently pokes fun at Pamela during
meetings, and plays it off as a joke when confronted. Pamela notices that John will often have
his feet up on tables during pro staff meetings, talk while the assistant director is speaking,
and deliberately ignore aspects or directives of the job when he does not see them as
important.
•
•
Is this an instance of a toxic work place or bullying?
What would you do?

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