Feel it Big on the Inside: Express it Smaller when in Public

Thinking about what people think
about you
We think about each other even when we are not
- People remember when you make them feel
comfortable and uncomfortable
- Which do you think they are more likely to
** More likely to remember when someone made us
feel upset
- When feeling stressed or upset, we are most likely
having uncomfortable or weird thoughts
What do you remember about Buddy
from the movie ELF?
Remember most of the funny things he did that
made us have weird or uncomfortable thoughts
What are they thinking of Buddy?
How does his brother treat him at first?
We typically treat people….
Okay/well when we have good thoughts about
More likely to treat someone badly when we have
uncomfortable thoughts about them
Same goes for other people:
Likely they will treat you the best when they have
good thoughts about you
Likely they will treat you the worst when they have
weird or uncomfortable thoughts about you
How people feel about us affects how
they treat us
What he does
Syrup, Burping
How others FEEL
about what he
based on how
others feel
Brother feels
Brother ignores
uncomfortable, has him after school,
weird thoughts
tries to get away
from Buddy
How does he feel
about how he
was treated
Buddy keeps
trying to get him
to hang out,
doesn’t understand
why he wants to
get away from him
In Elf, when does the brother start
treating Buddy better?
After the snowball fight- he has good thoughts
about Buddy helping him
As a result, he starts treating Buddy better
What he does
How others
FEEL about
what he does
based on how
others feel
How does he
feel about how
he was treated
Helps out his
brother with kids
snowballs at him
Brother has
good thoughts;
feels happy to
have Buddy
Hangs out with
him, gets
Christmas tree,
they have fun
Buddy is happy
to be hanging
out with his
Read Comic
What did she do
How others FEEL
(expected/unexpect about her behavior based on how
others feel
What’s the problem here?
How does she FEEL
about how she
was treated
Size of the Problem
Important to figure out how big a problem really is,
because if you over-react to any size of problem,
others can feel awkward, uncomfortable, or just plain
How much emotion should you let fly out when
you’re really upset and how much is supposed
to stay in?
How much emotion we show depends on:
Size of the problem
Our age
When a 4 year old throws a tantrum in a store
about not getting a toy, what do we think?
When a 13 year old throws a tantrum in a store
about not getting a video game they want, what
do we think?
As we get older, we are supposed to get better at
controlling how we express our emotions especially
when out in public, like at school!
It’s okay to be upset or excited, but it’s how
you handle it that can make others feel
good or uncomfortable
Kyle is really, really mad- others around him feel
okay if he shows he is a little irritated.
If Kyle starts yelling or pushing people- others will
feel uncomfortable, which creates another problem
Sara thinks something is hilarious in class, her best
bet is to smile or laugh
If Sara goes into a crazy laughing fit, where she is
loud and laughs for a long time- people will be
uncomfortable or annoyed
Feel it Big on the Inside- Express is
Smaller when in Public (FBI-ESP)
May feel big emotions on the inside but know you
need to keep the size of your expression smaller on
the outside
What do we do to help us express it smaller?
Take deep breaths
Think about others (they will have uncomfortable
thoughts if we over-react)
If home, go to your room for privacy; If at school,
ask for a break
Feel it Big, Express it Small
Watch clips and determine if the person felt it big
but expressed it small
What could Sheldon have done to express it small?
Feel it Big, Express it Small
Did Sheldon express it small this time?
Is it appropriate to call the police if your apartment
gets broken into?
- Yes, the reaction matches the size of the problem
Why don’t we want to act on how we
Big reactions make others (teachers, peers) upset too,
which creates more problems
Teacher gets frazzled, concerned, or angry
Students get frustrated, embarrassed or irritated at the
There are usually consequences for over-reacting
Nagged by a parent or teacher
Peers have weird thoughts
Might not want to be friends with you
Suspension/ Detention
What are the consequences for
Expressing it Small in Public?
People have good thoughts about you
Class is able to go on with what they were doing
You might earn superstars on your point sheet
Peers might want to be friends with you
Social Behavior Map
What the person
How others FEEL
about their
based on how
person feels
How does person
FEEL about how
he/she was treated
Complete worksheet
Write or draw how you would feel and how you
would react to express it small

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